If you’ve ever been told to put your baby down “drowsy but awake” to teach independent sleep, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common pieces of advice out there—but let’s be honest, it doesn’t always work. And here’s why.
The Drowsy Part is Misunderstood
When we’re new parents, we desperately need small wins. So, if we manage to put our baby down before they are fully asleep, we proudly tell ourselves, I’m doing it! Drowsy but awake! And honestly, it is a huge win—getting your baby down before they’re in a deep sleep is progress. But here’s the catch: we often mistake very, very sleepy for drowsy. In reality, by the time we put them down, they’re already too close to sleep.
I’ve been there. I’ve rocked and held my babies for 30+ minutes, waiting for the perfect moment to lay them down, only to have them wake up moments later. And let me tell you, there is nothing wrong with holding and rocking your baby—it’s one of the sweetest things, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.
But if your goal is independent sleep, there’s something even more important than drowsy: awake.
Why 'Drowsy but Awake' Isn’t the Goal
If you’re working toward independent sleep, drowsy isn’t enough. Your baby needs to actually realize they are falling asleep on their own. And that’s why many sleep experts (myself included) now recommend putting your baby down calm and awake instead of drowsy.
For years, I advised families to try the drowsy-but-awake method, only to end up telling them to put their babies down more and more awake. The reality? Drowsy but awake is just a starting point. If you stop there, your baby might never truly learn to fall asleep independently.
The Better Approach: Calm and Awake
So, what should you do instead? Try putting your baby down calm but awake. Here’s how:
Wait until your baby is calm and relaxed—not overtired or fussy.
Lay them down while they’re still awake, but stay by their side.
Offer gentle support (patting, shushing, rubbing) to help them settle.
This doesn’t work instantly for every baby, but it’s a great way to ease into independent sleep. And if you’re too close to bedtime, your baby might even surprise you by drifting off with minimal help!
Need Help?
If you’re struggling with drowsy-but-awake and want a customized plan that actually works for your baby, let’s chat! Book a consultation to discuss your sleep goals and create a plan that feels right for your family. Request a discovery call here.